Can I live without love and endure an empty heart?
From nights of empty promises.
Filled with desire and all the pleasure
But far beneath the ecstasy surfaced lies
and untold misery.
I am not what you want.
And despite my best efforts to please you, I still lack so much in your estimation.
I am not perfect. But I believed in perfect love.
I believed in you. In us.
And no matter what you do with your endless hours
without me, know that I forgive.
But I will not forget.
I will remember what was.
And all that was good and pure.
The countless beautiful moments that united us in heart and body.
And kept us strong.
Forever cast away
into the wanton nights of heartache.
Where I wait.
If love will return.
By Tessa Saks
Is life a test?
It has to be. Why else would bad things happen if not to test our resolve?
Or to help us grow?
I see life as an uncharted map with multiple options at every moment. And in those options lie opportunities.
The opportunity to be kind.
The opportunity to forgive.
The opportunity to help.
The opportunity for adventure.
The opportunity to learn.
For risk/reward or risk/lesson.
Maybe instead of thinking in terms of a test where there is a pass/fail mindset–how about life as a series of lessons?
And the lessons move us forward so we can try new things without fear.
The more lessons we take, the more we grow and evolve.
Instead of reliving mistakes and bad luck or poor choices, we learn from them and continue on a path towards better choices.
Perhaps at the end of our life, when all our lessons are over, we see the results of this test. A big picture essay of our life. And of all that we have done. And the score isn’t measured on a pass/fail but on a contribution to living.
Did we live?
Did we love?
Did we try?
Was there effort towards something?
And most important–
Did we learn from our choices and: Make things better? Become happier and more alive?
So where are you now in this test of life?
By Tessa Saks
Can we ever be finished? I hope not.
Striving is a part of all of us. Life is the constant moving forward and forever improving. We are not born with everything figured out. We learn and grow and continue on this journey of discovery. And in the discovery comes the joy. The joy of a new adventure, a new toy, a new friend or new love. Anything can inspire us and reveal feelings. Good or bad they tell us where to go next.
And the journey continues until we decide to stop trying new things. To rest. To stay where we are and just be. But then we become unhappy. We expect everything around us to stay the same. But they can’t. Life is advancing, with or without us. It is all about change. And in that change we continue to add to the masterpiece of our life.
We are both creator and recipient of all creation. A team of builders and artists on an eternal canvas. The canvas of life. And as any artist knows, a true masterpiece is never finished. It will always remain a work-in-progress. A beautiful, inspiring collaborative project.
And so we are one. United in our perfection and our differences.
Ever growing. Ever-changing. And never finished.
By Tessa Saks
It begins when we are children. The magic of make-believe enriches our play.
We discover we have the power to create whatever world we want. And no one stops us.
Empowered to alter facts, create friends or perform amazing feats, we know no bounds.
Life is what we make it. And if we don’t like the way it really is, pretending helps us cope by allowing us to escape. We can pretend to do or be whatever we want. It inspires us.
Then we grow up. And pretending changes.
We pretend to be happy. We pretend to care. We pretend we are doing the right thing.
But deep in our hearts, we know. We are sad. Or lonely. Or scared. Or embarrassed.
Sometimes it is easier to hide from our true feelings. So we can continue without disruption to our life.
Pretending helps us hide from the truth.
But what if we could let go and allow our truth to be revealed? To heal the hurt and find happiness. And instead of pretending, we begin living. Unafraid to be ourselves. The way we were when we we were children. When nothing mattered except having fun. Living in the moment.
And trusting that we are already perfect. That life is meant to be joyous. And true joy can only be found when we allow who we really are to shine through. And we love ourselves. And trust ourselves. And we stop pretending.
By Tessa Saks
I don’t want to panic.
But I do. And every time it happens I wish for more control. Panic contributes to the chaos. So I’ve learned over the years that panic shows me what I fear most. And from that overreaction I can discover what really matters. And by focusing on what really matters, I can find some calm and control in the midst of panic. I can reduce my fear and find solutions. And what really matters can be salvaged. Or mended.
Over time, when I look back at all that fear, I see panic can be part of the process of being alive. Of feeling. And loving. And wanting. Needing. Desire.
The times that caused me the highest panic were when I was afraid of losing something very important. And when you know what is most important, decisions become easier. Choices more clear.
Sometimes you need a wake-up call to help you focus. I know I did.
And once awoken and on the right path, it’s easier to stay calm. To trust and have faith. To move forward armed with the confidence that no matter what obstacles or events throw you off course and challenge you–there is no need to panic!
by Tessa Saks
We belong together.
I am not one to share my thoughts with strangers but when writing my heart opens and the deepest parts of my soul are revealed. And yet, standing beside you, my voice freezes. I want to be with you. To be near you once again.
We shared a life of love and heartache and I never wanted it to end. What happened that we are now apart?
We belong together. I can say it a million different ways in writing and yet when we are together something holds me and
I cannot say all that needs to be released.
The heart is a strange tool for love. It often fails when you need it most. Or perhaps it knows better. It protects you from the madness of honesty and pain. Would we be happy together? Perhaps my heart imagines it and allows me this folly but prevents the reality from harming the fragile nature of love. Of our love. For I want you beyond measure.
Should I take the risk and betray the danger of rejection? So we may be as we once were. Bound by love. And happy.
I am so lost
In the black depths
Of the nights of love
That I can no longer tell
Dream from reality
And I pour on it my own tears.