Zip My Heart Shut

Zip my heart shut tight, so it can never be opened again. Never exposed to the rawness of love and
all the encounters that chip away its strength. For I am damaged. In need of repair.
Desperate in my fragility to protect. And preserve
the fragments that remain and
remind me of you.

Of our love. Of all the nights of endless honesty and freedom that somehow dissolved
into a mask of hurt and indifference.

I lost you. In my selfish search for approval I sacrificed the most important
part of who I am. Of what I had been. And silenced the truth that united us beyond our flesh and fantasy.

We were one. We shared a bond that seemed forged for eternity. How was I to know how easy it could be fractured?
How could I know that the wedge of destruction is silent and efficient as it slices apart the memories…
laying them bare when the damage is complete. Beyond repair.
Leaving me with only my regret for comfort. And only my shame for solace.

I miss you more than I loved you. That is the shame of it. I never knew what we had until I felt the stinging of it’s absence.
And despite the years that will fall away into this well of darkness,
I remain. Forever scarred. Seeking reprieve from this miserable heart
that continues to hope
in foolish vanity
that one day
I can find the courage to unzip this heart
and love again.

*

by

Tessa Saks

 

zip up my heart

Zip

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2 thoughts on “Zip My Heart Shut

  1. Such a bittersweet poem, and beautifully written. To love and be loved is a wonderful thing, but on the flipside of that is certainly heartbreak. ‘I miss you more than I loved you.’ I love this line, and it is my favourite line from this poem. Sometimes when someone leaves us, we think more about them than we did when were together…maybe we took them for granted, maybe we were blindsided, maybe we weren’t realistic enough in the relationship.

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