Why would anyone want to lose control?
When we live in a world that teaches us–
that encourages us–to gain mastery over every part of our lives.
With self-help sections of bookstores and libraries bursting with guidance.
And every one around us offering advice on how to fix our lives to perfection.
No one tells us how to free ourselves from our own constraints.
From our own judgements and reprisal.
No one wants us to be untethered and careless.
We fit in best when we match the routines surrounding us.
When we follow the rules of order created by others.
I know because I constantly battle to free myself creatively. To take risks. To be bold.
And to journey into an unknown that is both terrifying and exhilarating.
Perhaps it’s harder because I do love order. I love to have my things easy to find. In great condition and useful.
I enjoy feeling in control. I am proud in my mastery of daily living. And I also do enjoy the recognition from others.
But wanting organization cannot be the same as freeing your soul to enjoy the best of life.
Or is it?
Right now I desire to feel the truth of nature. Of my nature. The recklessness of losing myself in time and space.
Without worry. Without regret. Without guilt.
Where others let go of their expectations of me so I may discover my own uniqueness. My own truth. The harmony of my soul with life.
I am on a journey and haven’t yet arrived.
I am not ready to unpack my bags and stay put.
I seek new frontiers of experience. New vistas to challenge the creativity that lies, buried in the recesses of my soul.
What will it take to free me? Perhaps in my quest there is no answer.
There is only action. And actions taken will lead me further down the path of discovery.
The path to who I really am. And all that I may be.
By Tessa Saks