I used to be more reckless. More daring.
Somehow along the way I started to hedge my risk. Maybe it is part of growing up.
But as I became more responsible I also became safe.
And when you are playing it safe, you no longer take chances.
You suddenly care more about protecting what you have instead of going out and discovering more.
It can happen in so many different ways.
I wanted safe investments. More secure work. A safer neighborhood. A safer holiday.
I decorated in neutral. I wore neutrals. I embraced the blandness of neutrality for mediocrity.
So began the lure of routine and comfort in the status quo.
Nothing changed. And I didn’t want it to. I became inflexible to so many things.
Trips to the same places. Eating at the same restaurants. Shopping at the same stores and buying the same things over and over.
Discontinued products bothered me. Favorite products wearing out or breaking beyond repair caused tension.
I started buying things in multiples so I wouldn’t run out. Ever.
I didn’t want to have to make choices. To try things and have them disappoint me.
I needed my life to be predictable.
And yet I imagined taking chances.
I dreamed of opportunities. Of following my heart.
Of being a daring and bold free spirit, living life to the fullest.
Letting passion guide me to joyful adventures.
Embracing life in the moment.
Replacing anxiety with curiosity and wonder.
Sparking the fires of my soul to try new things. To step out of my comfort zone and live.
Filling my days with happiness.
And the uncertainty of tomorrow disarmed so I might experience the joy of discovery today.
Of trying something new.
Of making mistakes and moving on. Unbroken. Intact.
And never again
By Tessa Saks
Who am I?
What is the message I send to the world?
Am I who I think I am?
If we had no clothes how would we express ourselves? And how important would it be to display our inner message to others? Would body marking be the rage? Would we be happier?
I am not my clothes. Never have been. But they do offer clues as to who I am trying to be or who I want to be. And thankfully, it has changed over the years.
What we wear is important in our society as every job or status-role has predefined ideals and standards of what is acceptable and what isn’t. You can think you are a rebel but somehow you are still conforming to a pre-set bunch of rules.
From Hudderites in black and white polka-dots to bikers in leather vests to saffron colored zen robes, there are codes for who we are–and maybe more important– what group we belong to. And in a way they do help hide who we are afraid we aren’t. A uniform can add confidence and bury fear. But for how long?
I have purposely tried to avoid following fashion as dictated by the magazines and instead sought to find my own style. One that represents how I feel about who I am and what I love. But I am still influenced. I love fabric and color and texture. I appreciate beautiful workmanship.
I do want people to understand more about me by what I wear. Years ago, I tried to go super-conservative for work and found myself living a lie. I wanted to belong and to fit in, but I was not who I pretended to be. I needed to let my inner diva out. And when I finally admitted this to myself, I also changed jobs.
I need freedom to be me.
And the outer layers of my clothing do represent a slice of the inner me.
I am grateful to live in a world where we can use clothing as a message to others about a tiny part of us.
And I fear a future world like in sci-fi which has us wearing jumpsuits or matching uniforms. A massive army of clones, afraid to be different. Afraid to stand out. Afraid to take chances and make mistakes. Because I would rather look back at my crazy 80’s shoulder pads knowing that I experimented and took some chances, than have a photo album full of safe and boring outfits to match a safe and boring life.
So yes to self-expression. It’s what living is all about.
Can we ever be finished? I hope not.
Striving is a part of all of us. Life is the constant moving forward and forever improving. We are not born with everything figured out. We learn and grow and continue on this journey of discovery. And in the discovery comes the joy. The joy of a new adventure, a new toy, a new friend or new love. Anything can inspire us and reveal feelings. Good or bad they tell us where to go next.
And the journey continues until we decide to stop trying new things. To rest. To stay where we are and just be. But then we become unhappy. We expect everything around us to stay the same. But they can’t. Life is advancing, with or without us. It is all about change. And in that change we continue to add to the masterpiece of our life.
We are both creator and recipient of all creation. A team of builders and artists on an eternal canvas. The canvas of life. And as any artist knows, a true masterpiece is never finished. It will always remain a work-in-progress. A beautiful, inspiring collaborative project.
And so we are one. United in our perfection and our differences.
Ever growing. Ever-changing. And never finished.
By Tessa Saks
It begins when we are children. The magic of make-believe enriches our play.
We discover we have the power to create whatever world we want. And no one stops us.
Empowered to alter facts, create friends or perform amazing feats, we know no bounds.
Life is what we make it. And if we don’t like the way it really is, pretending helps us cope by allowing us to escape. We can pretend to do or be whatever we want. It inspires us.
Then we grow up. And pretending changes.
We pretend to be happy. We pretend to care. We pretend we are doing the right thing.
But deep in our hearts, we know. We are sad. Or lonely. Or scared. Or embarrassed.
Sometimes it is easier to hide from our true feelings. So we can continue without disruption to our life.
Pretending helps us hide from the truth.
But what if we could let go and allow our truth to be revealed? To heal the hurt and find happiness. And instead of pretending, we begin living. Unafraid to be ourselves. The way we were when we we were children. When nothing mattered except having fun. Living in the moment.
And trusting that we are already perfect. That life is meant to be joyous. And true joy can only be found when we allow who we really are to shine through. And we love ourselves. And trust ourselves. And we stop pretending.
By Tessa Saks
There is no reason to waste
and days and months
Time cannot heal
Mistaken in their analysis.
that causes me to
see the past as failure.
Instead of what it is—
The choices made in moments.
The choices that despite
my best intentions
held me back.
Gripped by the fear of moving
I chose instead
to avoid the upsets
that living in truth creates.
But now I stand ready
to cast all the years
and move forward
toward a bright vision
of what can be
when I finally
take the steps to be true
to the all that I am.
So I may become—
all that I may be.
By Tessa Saks
Do not despair your dreams
They are not lost…
Hiding beneath the surface
Look deep within
They lay still…in the corners of your heart.
They never abandoned you
Despite your constant neglect.
They are there waiting.
Needing only you to release them…
And free them.
So that once again you may rise to the truth
Of who you are
And what you may be.
Never again fearful.
Moving forward in the choices
That live in your dreams.
And bring all that you desire
Living in the dream
And the truth,
By Tessa Saks
The essence of love cannot be learned.
You cannot study and become loving.
It starts inside.
It is eternal. It is flow.
It is released from your center.
It is to be shared, given away, released unconditionally.
It is not a practiced art where one can become better by reading and repeating.
It is spontaneous. Allowing.
It pours out of your center and fills you.
Once you are full, you can direct outwards to others.
Like a source of power and energy; it radiates out and there is no limit to how far reaching it can go.
This is the essence of love.
By Tessa Saks