I don’t want to panic.
But I do. And every time it happens I wish for more control. Panic contributes to the chaos. So I’ve learned over the years that panic shows me what I fear most. And from that overreaction I can discover what really matters. And by focusing on what really matters, I can find some calm and control in the midst of panic. I can reduce my fear and find solutions. And what really matters can be salvaged. Or mended.
Over time, when I look back at all that fear, I see panic can be part of the process of being alive. Of feeling. And loving. And wanting. Needing. Desire.
The times that caused me the highest panic were when I was afraid of losing something very important. And when you know what is most important, decisions become easier. Choices more clear.
Sometimes you need a wake-up call to help you focus. I know I did.
And once awoken and on the right path, it’s easier to stay calm. To trust and have faith. To move forward armed with the confidence that no matter what obstacles or events throw you off course and challenge you–there is no need to panic!
by Tessa Saks
We belong together.
I am not one to share my thoughts with strangers but when writing my heart opens and the deepest parts of my soul are revealed. And yet, standing beside you, my voice freezes. I want to be with you. To be near you once again.
We shared a life of love and heartache and I never wanted it to end. What happened that we are now apart?
We belong together. I can say it a million different ways in writing and yet when we are together something holds me and
I cannot say all that needs to be released.
The heart is a strange tool for love. It often fails when you need it most. Or perhaps it knows better. It protects you from the madness of honesty and pain. Would we be happy together? Perhaps my heart imagines it and allows me this folly but prevents the reality from harming the fragile nature of love. Of our love. For I want you beyond measure.
Should I take the risk and betray the danger of rejection? So we may be as we once were. Bound by love. And happy.
Is there love without sacrifice? Can I endure past the misery of longing?
I wait in expectation for your return and the pleasure of nights in your arms.
You demonstrate the ultimate sacrifice through
and the risks required to keep us safe.
And so I too
must live without you near
and wait with patience and anticipation
for the day
when you are here
and I no longer need fear
that you will be taken from me.
And love will erase any sense of loss
or traces of abandonment.
For we will be as one.
United in love and life.
When I remember the way you felt next to me between the sheets
I forget all that was wrong and embrace instead
the touch of your flesh and who we were once upon a time.
When we loved in spite of our youth and recklessness.
When we thought only of the moment and each other
and everything else diffused into a vapor of insignificance.
For all that mattered was love. And passion.
When I fought to keep my hands off you.
When we needed contact in every moment, no matter where we were.
United in desire that was stronger than the two of us.
Smothering out logic. Or reason. Or anything that could take you from me.
I miss you. In the quiet of my heart you are still my love.
No matter where you are or who you are with
know that I am yours.
You are a part of me.
By Tessa Saks
The silent whisper of love reaches beyond my constant fear and longing.
It permeates all that I see and feel and experience.
The hope that I will love again reduces the chaos around me into fragmented rubble.
And I can endure
whatever heartache stands in my way.
For I know that one day, when I least expect it,
love will return to me and find
I am ready.
A willing participant
Reinforced and open to all that may be.
this love I seek–
the joy of tempered passion
harvesting an energy long withheld
in your arms
ready to detonate and release
all that I am
and give to you
beyond words and whispers
a love that will engulf us and shine bright
For you are the one I wait for.
Without your love to guide me
would I find my way?
Moving through the darkness
of my life.
Past all the lies and broken hopes
now scattered around me—
Tainting my actions with fear
Restraining my resolve to move ahead
and let go of all my resentment
wipe clean my past.
To allow me to move forward
in the direction of my dreams.
Opening up to the promise of what might be
if only I could release
begin to live
And become the better me.
By Tessa Saks
I cannot resist
the power of your love
No matter how I try.
You knocked me
from my safe haven of life
and cast me into
the reckless danger
of your embrace.
In one fleeting
All that I know…
All that I was…
Drawn into a
to be a part of you.
In the stolen
quiet of your kiss
I melted into you.
with the deeper part of you.
The deeper part you
The part that scares you.
The part I want to stay
By Tessa Saks