As your apprentice, am I legally bound to learn about love
from you–the master craftsman of desire?
Have I learned enough to make my way in the world
and cut the ties to the network of support
you give. Support that removes the doubts and fears
from my restless imagining
and leaves me free to envision a love
that is strong enough to endure all the many
challenges and setbacks that life weaves into the fabric of our nature.
Am I more than an apprentice? Have I evolved to surpass all that has been shown
and given? Am I not ready, now, for love? For real love that doesn’t harbor excuses or complaint.
A love that understands the words not spoken and releases the guilt of further heartache.
I am ready to move past the learning and failures. Past the rejected attempts for approval.
For I am now beyond you.
I have evolved past obedience and am ready for love that shares beyond the borders of greed and righteousness.
Ready to open my heart to the swelling tide of rapture without regret. Compassion without pity.
I am whole. A renewal of the bitter pieces made complete. And I have you to thank.
My patient and relentless master. The guidepost of my journey. The one who allowed me to fail and rebuild and rediscover
the joy of independence. The pleasure of self-fulfillment and determination.
Could I have risen so far without your steady support in my frailest hours?
I know the answer well. And so I thank you and bid you farewell.
For I am complete. I am whole again and ready to embrace the winds of love and all it’s storms.
Ready for the risks and danger that opening my heart exposes me to.
Waiting, in eager anticipation, of the endless possibilities that now lay before me.
And excited by the untapped potential to journey beyond my safety and discover
along the way
the many facets of love.
By Tessa Saks
Zip my heart shut tight, so it can never be opened again. Never exposed to the rawness of love and
all the encounters that chip away its strength. For I am damaged. In need of repair.
Desperate in my fragility to protect. And preserve
the fragments that remain and
remind me of you.
Of our love. Of all the nights of endless honesty and freedom that somehow dissolved
into a mask of hurt and indifference.
I lost you. In my selfish search for approval I sacrificed the most important
part of who I am. Of what I had been. And silenced the truth that united us beyond our flesh and fantasy.
We were one. We shared a bond that seemed forged for eternity. How was I to know how easy it could be fractured?
How could I know that the wedge of destruction is silent and efficient as it slices apart the memories…
laying them bare when the damage is complete. Beyond repair.
Leaving me with only my regret for comfort. And only my shame for solace.
I miss you more than I loved you. That is the shame of it. I never knew what we had until I felt the stinging of it’s absence.
And despite the years that will fall away into this well of darkness,
I remain. Forever scarred. Seeking reprieve from this miserable heart
that continues to hope
in foolish vanity
that one day
I can find the courage to unzip this heart
and love again.
To Be Romantic or Not To Be
In The Style of Will Shakespeare
To be romantic or not to be: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the soul to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous passion,
Or to take arms against a sea of desire,
And by opposing end them?
To think: To control;
To rationalize: And by rationalize to say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural desires
That flesh is heir to, ’tis a discipline
Devoutly to be wish’d.
To think, to control;
To control perchance to prevent heartbreak: ay, there’s the rub;
For in that protecting from heartache what love may we miss
When we have resisted opening to the beauty before us.
Must give us pause: there’s the regret of long lost loves
For who would bear the whips and scorns of rejected love,
The risk unbalanced, the outcome failing,
The pangs of unrequited love: None but the romantic.
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
Save for the romantic.
The romantic that enterprises of great pith and moment
And in this regard their currents turn awry,
And win in the name of love.
Bt Tessa Saks and Will Shakespeare
In The Style Of
Can I live without love and endure an empty heart?
From nights of empty promises.
Filled with desire and all the pleasure
But far beneath the ecstasy surfaced lies
and untold misery.
I am not what you want.
And despite my best efforts to please you, I still lack so much in your estimation.
I am not perfect. But I believed in perfect love.
I believed in you. In us.
And no matter what you do with your endless hours
without me, know that I forgive.
But I will not forget.
I will remember what was.
And all that was good and pure.
The countless beautiful moments that united us in heart and body.
And kept us strong.
Forever cast away
into the wanton nights of heartache.
Where I wait.
If love will return.
By Tessa Saks
We belong together.
I am not one to share my thoughts with strangers but when writing my heart opens and the deepest parts of my soul are revealed. And yet, standing beside you, my voice freezes. I want to be with you. To be near you once again.
We shared a life of love and heartache and I never wanted it to end. What happened that we are now apart?
We belong together. I can say it a million different ways in writing and yet when we are together something holds me and
I cannot say all that needs to be released.
The heart is a strange tool for love. It often fails when you need it most. Or perhaps it knows better. It protects you from the madness of honesty and pain. Would we be happy together? Perhaps my heart imagines it and allows me this folly but prevents the reality from harming the fragile nature of love. Of our love. For I want you beyond measure.
Should I take the risk and betray the danger of rejection? So we may be as we once were. Bound by love. And happy.
How could I ever love you less? Beyond the expectations and obligations
That keep us apart I crave to hold you again and recapture all the power
of pleasure that melds us as one. United in the knowledge that you know who I am
and all that I may be
and that no matter what worries taint this life of ours
We are together. In mind and body.
Without concern or judgement.
Free to explore all that we are and all
that we may become. When one day
you return and I
can hold you close
and never let you go.
The silent whisper of love reaches beyond my constant fear and longing.
It permeates all that I see and feel and experience.
The hope that I will love again reduces the chaos around me into fragmented rubble.
And I can endure
whatever heartache stands in my way.
For I know that one day, when I least expect it,
love will return to me and find
I am ready.
A willing participant
Reinforced and open to all that may be.
this love I seek–
the joy of tempered passion
harvesting an energy long withheld
in your arms
ready to detonate and release
all that I am
and give to you
beyond words and whispers
a love that will engulf us and shine bright
For you are the one I wait for.