Inhabit Your Journey
Are you really living where you live?
Or do you keep a facade in a desperate attempt to convince yourself or others, of your determined existence.
We are all on a journey. We often fool ourselves into thinking we have arrived but as in literature, the real story is the journey and not the destination.
I do this myself.
I feel so good when I am safe and my outcome is certain. Yet I also long for adventure. And to break free from routine and certainty.
And it is in the adventure where we discover who we are and what we are made of.
I recently moved across the country and found myself insecure and nervous about many aspects that were solid before. How could I slip into a state of doubt so easily? Especially when I have been the rock of advice that others cling to.
I couldn’t believe it. Where did my self-assurance go? Why did I no longer trust my inner voice? And where did all this fear come from?
It takes a while to listen to your soul and hear the longings and desires stirring deep within. I wanted quick and simple answers. But the beauty of life is that it is complex and layered. And the digging and uncovering of the layers is where our own beauty lies.
The truth was I suddenly didn’t trust myself. The doubts lingered and gained momentum no matter how I tried to push them away. So, what could I do? How to silence the fear tape in my head?
I began to take small steps to find some security in my thinking. A little bit of proof in my actions. And little-by-little I felt the door to my soul opening and letting in the light of change. I started to see opportunity where I had seen problems. I could feel excitement when I looked into the unknown future by reminding myself nothing is carved into our life. And I am the one with the biggest chisel!
What kind of new life will I carve out for myself? What new experiences will shape me into the future? And who will I become when all these new forces attract and carry me forward towards my desires?
Instead of hiding and blanketing my soul with fear—I am now ready to boldly test the waters of chance.
By opening myself to life and risking the safety of the known, perhaps I will find that life really is like a video game. And thrill of moving up to higher level with new challenges and adventures is what we all came here for.
So look around at the world you inhabit and ask yourself if you are ready to make a change?
And to rediscover all the joy and wonder of the journey.
In the softest hour
I think of you…
Time fills the voids of routine
but I cannot fill the empty spaces
of my heart.
For they remain
waiting for you…
to be with you again
and to lie in your arms
embraced in love
and all that we share.
Erasing the heartache
of our separation
and filling me once again
with all the opportunities
A life together
By Tessa Saks
As your apprentice, am I legally bound to learn about love
from you–the master craftsman of desire?
Have I learned enough to make my way in the world
and cut the ties to the network of support
you give. Support that removes the doubts and fears
from my restless imagining
and leaves me free to envision a love
that is strong enough to endure all the many
challenges and setbacks that life weaves into the fabric of our nature.
Am I more than an apprentice? Have I evolved to surpass all that has been shown
and given? Am I not ready, now, for love? For real love that doesn’t harbor excuses or complaint.
A love that understands the words not spoken and releases the guilt of further heartache.
I am ready to move past the learning and failures. Past the rejected attempts for approval.
For I am now beyond you.
I have evolved past obedience and am ready for love that shares beyond the borders of greed and righteousness.
Ready to open my heart to the swelling tide of rapture without regret. Compassion without pity.
I am whole. A renewal of the bitter pieces made complete. And I have you to thank.
My patient and relentless master. The guidepost of my journey. The one who allowed me to fail and rebuild and rediscover
the joy of independence. The pleasure of self-fulfillment and determination.
Could I have risen so far without your steady support in my frailest hours?
I know the answer well. And so I thank you and bid you farewell.
For I am complete. I am whole again and ready to embrace the winds of love and all it’s storms.
Ready for the risks and danger that opening my heart exposes me to.
Waiting, in eager anticipation, of the endless possibilities that now lay before me.
And excited by the untapped potential to journey beyond my safety and discover
along the way
the many facets of love.
By Tessa Saks
To Be Romantic or Not To Be
In The Style of Will Shakespeare
To be romantic or not to be: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the soul to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous passion,
Or to take arms against a sea of desire,
And by opposing end them?
To think: To control;
To rationalize: And by rationalize to say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural desires
That flesh is heir to, ’tis a discipline
Devoutly to be wish’d.
To think, to control;
To control perchance to prevent heartbreak: ay, there’s the rub;
For in that protecting from heartache what love may we miss
When we have resisted opening to the beauty before us.
Must give us pause: there’s the regret of long lost loves
For who would bear the whips and scorns of rejected love,
The risk unbalanced, the outcome failing,
The pangs of unrequited love: None but the romantic.
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
Save for the romantic.
The romantic that enterprises of great pith and moment
And in this regard their currents turn awry,
And win in the name of love.
Bt Tessa Saks and Will Shakespeare
In The Style Of
What is a promise?
Is it an absolute? A must do?
Or is it a kinda-sorta type of thing?
I see promises as extensions of our inner souls and as such we must be aware of what we do promise both to ourselves and to others.
For promises are often broken, but not with intent. More often it is with a failure of understanding the scope of the commitment and the ability to live up to it.
I promise myself all kind of little things only to fail.
And in failing, to frustrate myself again and again.
I’ve promised myself to stop swearing. Fail.
I’ve promised myself to be organized. Fail.
I’ve promised myself to stop eating late. Fail.
Instead of punishing myself, I should accept my limitations.
And work to understand why it is so hard for me to keep these vows. Are they even possible?
Where is the disconnect?
Is it in my heart? Do I really mean what I say?
Or am I merely saying what I think I should say, without reference to who I am?
Do I care more about appearances than truth?
Why is it so easy to lie to ourselves? To pretend we are different than we are.
I think it happens when we are afraid to be ourselves.
Afraid to look inside and see what really motivates us and inspires us. Or scares us.
When I look at the promises that are easy to keep “to love, honor and cherish” for example, what makes it easy is when it is unconditional and free.
I allow myself to be true to my heart.
It only becomes challenging when I begin to hold expectations of what others need to do or need to be.
But did my promise have conditions? Did I suddenly rewrite the rules?
Or perhaps I wasn’t clear enough in my pledge?
Maybe promises to others should be clear enough that there is room for amendments.
Or perhaps it is better to not make promises.
But to live in the moment and say “today I love you with all my heart”.
“I want to continue to love you forever.”
“So let’s both do this every day.”
Then in 20 years we can see if it was a promise or merely a dream.
And I hope with every fiber of my being
that our love will prove to be a promise that we kept.
by Tessa Saks
Can I live without love and endure an empty heart?
From nights of empty promises.
Filled with desire and all the pleasure
But far beneath the ecstasy surfaced lies
and untold misery.
I am not what you want.
And despite my best efforts to please you, I still lack so much in your estimation.
I am not perfect. But I believed in perfect love.
I believed in you. In us.
And no matter what you do with your endless hours
without me, know that I forgive.
But I will not forget.
I will remember what was.
And all that was good and pure.
The countless beautiful moments that united us in heart and body.
And kept us strong.
Forever cast away
into the wanton nights of heartache.
Where I wait.
If love will return.
By Tessa Saks
We belong together.
I am not one to share my thoughts with strangers but when writing my heart opens and the deepest parts of my soul are revealed. And yet, standing beside you, my voice freezes. I want to be with you. To be near you once again.
We shared a life of love and heartache and I never wanted it to end. What happened that we are now apart?
We belong together. I can say it a million different ways in writing and yet when we are together something holds me and
I cannot say all that needs to be released.
The heart is a strange tool for love. It often fails when you need it most. Or perhaps it knows better. It protects you from the madness of honesty and pain. Would we be happy together? Perhaps my heart imagines it and allows me this folly but prevents the reality from harming the fragile nature of love. Of our love. For I want you beyond measure.
Should I take the risk and betray the danger of rejection? So we may be as we once were. Bound by love. And happy.