Losing Control In A World of Control

Tessa Saks Poetry Losing Control Daily Prompt

Why would anyone want to lose control?
When we live in a world that teaches us–
that encourages us–to gain mastery over every part of our lives.
With self-help sections of bookstores and libraries bursting with guidance.
And every one around us offering advice on how to fix our lives to perfection.
No one tells us how to free ourselves from our own constraints.
From our own judgements and reprisal.
No one wants us to be untethered and careless.
We fit in best when we match the routines surrounding us.
When we follow the rules of order created by others.

I know because I constantly battle to free myself creatively. To take risks. To be bold.
And to journey into an unknown that is both terrifying and exhilarating.

Perhaps it’s harder because I do love order. I love to have my things easy to find. In great condition and useful.
I enjoy feeling in control. I am proud in my mastery of daily living. And I also do enjoy the recognition from others.
But wanting organization cannot be the same as freeing your soul to enjoy the best of life.
Or is it?

Right now I desire to feel the truth of nature. Of my nature. The recklessness of losing myself in time and space.
Without worry. Without regret. Without guilt.
Where others let go of their expectations of me so I may discover my own uniqueness. My own truth. The harmony of my soul with life.

I am on a journey and haven’t yet arrived.
I am not ready to unpack my bags and stay put.
I seek new frontiers of experience. New vistas to challenge the creativity that lies, buried in the recesses of my soul.

What will it take to free me? Perhaps in my quest there is no answer.
There is only action. And actions taken will lead me further down the path of discovery.
The path to who I really am. And all that I may be.

 

By Tessa Saks

 

Control

Avidly Passionate Avidly Greedy

One thing I never considered in the self-reflection of my passions–is their relation to greed.

Am I greedy?
Yes.
Guilty as charged.

I declare my avid love of books. Of art. Of history. Of beautiful objects. Of costumes and fashion history. Of flowers and trees. Of oceans and beaches. Of babies.
Of living. Of loving.

I enjoy indulging in all of these and more. And my appetite never wanes. I can never have enough. My sensory overload is limitless when it comes to my desires. I seem to gain energy from my longings. They charge with pleasure in multitudes of ways. I become more. More connected. More loving. More joyous. More forgiving. More tolerant. More compassionate. More creative. More of the real me. The one free from the expectations of others.

I need only to think about the these loves of mine and I am happier. And when I experience them firsthand–happier still. I am boundless in my cravings.
And like an addict, they seem to grow. Enlarging my appetite for more. Opening space within my soul for new experiences and opportunities. There is never enough. Never an end. Never a feeling of completion. For this is an onward journey, expanding the horizons of my soul.

And so I am also greedy. My insatiable demand for more is endless. And despite what others may think or say, I will continue forever in my quest to relish in the richness of life and all the encounters that lay before me.
I am evolving. And avid. So very very avid.

But the bigger question I wonder is:
Are you avid and greedy too?

 

 

 

Avid

Are We Rearranging Deck Chairs on the Titanic?

Sometimes in life we can’t see the failings right in front of us.
We are so filled with optimism that we neglect the harsh reality confronting us on the horizon.
I know it is for me.
And so it is for my country.
And it seems that way for the world.
I do not like politics. I want to believe the world is run by people who care.
That the people in charge know what is best for the greater good of all of us.
But as of late, I worry.

For the first time in my life I feel like we are all on the titanic and there is no point in moving the deck chairs around when…
When what?
When we financially bust?
When we go to another war?
When we destroy another democracy in the name of our freedom?
When we blame others for our problems?
When we destroy ourselves through hate and envy?
Then what?
Has anyone thought about what the world will be like when we finally hit the icebergs staring us in the face?

Even more important…what will we be like?
Will we finally heal ourselves and open to others?
Could we finally forget our differences and learn to get along?
Could everyone on the planet find joy in being alive and sharing in this experience of life?
Without hardship?
Or injustice?
Or fear?
Or pain?
Or suffering?

Could we finally rearrange our hearts to love each other as if each day was our last?
Could we begin to heal the wounds created by the chaos that we never asked for?
Could the world become better through understanding?

I don’t know the answers any more than anyone else.
If nothing else, we are all united in our confusion.
But also by our hope.

The hope that one day, we can wake up to a better world.
A world that has been rearranged.
Rearranged by love.
Our love.

*

By Tessa Saks

Rearrange

Hope is on the Horizon

Life Is The Test

Love
Is life a test?
It has to be. Why else would bad things happen if not to test our resolve?
Or to help us grow?
I see life as an uncharted map with multiple options at every moment. And in those options lie opportunities.

The opportunity to be kind.
The opportunity to forgive.
The opportunity to help.
The opportunity for adventure.
The opportunity to learn.
For risk/reward or risk/lesson.

Maybe instead of thinking in terms of a test where there is a pass/fail mindset–how about life as a series of lessons?
And the lessons move us forward so we can try new things without fear.
The more lessons we take, the more we grow and evolve.
Instead of reliving mistakes and bad luck or poor choices, we learn from them and continue on a path towards better choices.

Perhaps at the end of our life, when all our lessons are over, we see the results of this test. A big picture essay of our life. And of all that we have done. And the score isn’t measured on a pass/fail but on a contribution to living.

Did we live?
Did we love?
Did we try?
Was there effort towards something?
And most important–
Did we learn from our choices and: Make things better? Become happier and more alive?

So where are you now in this test of life?

*

By Tessa Saks

 

 

 

Test

What Panic Reveals

I don’t want to panic.

But I do. And every time it happens I wish for more control.  Panic contributes to the chaos. So I’ve learned over the years that panic shows me what I fear most. And from that overreaction I can discover what really matters. And by focusing on what really matters,  I can find some calm and control in the midst of panic. I can reduce my fear and find solutions. And what really matters can be salvaged. Or mended.

Over time, when I look back at all that fear, I see panic can be part of the process of being alive. Of feeling. And loving. And wanting. Needing. Desire.

The times that caused me the highest panic were when I was afraid of losing something very important. And when you know what is most important, decisions become easier. Choices more clear.

Sometimes you need a wake-up call to help you focus. I know I did.

And once awoken and on the right path, it’s easier to stay calm. To trust and have faith. To move forward armed with the confidence that no matter what obstacles or events throw you off course and challenge you–there is no need to panic!

*

by Tessa Saks
Panic

Poem: Departure

Love Poem New York Waiting
Departure

It hurts to think you may never know

How much love I feel …

Too deep to show.

My heart is full of love to last

My thoughts bring memories,

A cherished past.

While I do not want to let you leave

I’m happy for you and shall not grieve.

For time goes on and life does lead

A course for us to each

Succeed.

 

Tessa Saks

Be brave. Be Yourself.

tessa saks love

Be Yourself by Tessa Saks

To become better at something – don’t read about it.
Feel it.
Then try it. Feel all the knowledge and power that is available to you.

It will come without study. The ones who spend a life time studying are afraid.
They are afraid to be themselves.
They rely on others’ ideas, others examples, others’ thoughts.

You can have whatever you need by tapping into your heart, your soul.
Open yourself to trials.
Open yourself to experiment.
Let it flow out from inside if you.

Stop and feel. Stop and feel what you want to achieve.
You do not have to try to think of everything.
It’s all there, stored for your own use.

Everyone has this power. Everyone can tap into it.
What do you want to know, to do? What could you become without study?
Let it flow.

Stop trying to force things in to your life.
Appreciate, then move on.

Do not spend all your time in the past.
Take the knowledge that already is and build on it.
Make it yours.
It’s available anytime. Anywhere.
Just ask.

Imagine spending your entire life reading about writing.
Would you be a great writer?
Would you be a better writer if you wrote from your heart?
It is writing verses editing. Flowing versus forcing.
Being real versus being right.

You cannot create anything new trying to do what is already done.
Be brave, be bold, be free.

Talent is tapping into your unlimited knowledge base and using it for you.
The world is full of copycats.
Every day thousands, millions go to work and repeat tasks over and over.

Brilliance comes from research, from thinking beyond, thinking bold, thinking outside the routine.
Even more important, brilliance comes from feeling knowledge.
Feel your source of skill.
Feel your source of ability.
Use all that has been done before, but in a new way.

If you aren’t adding new, you don’t need to repeat over and over.
It becomes more of the same.
There is already enough of that.
Add something new.
Let go of the same. Break rules.
Force changes.

Why do laws need to be based on the past? Why not just create an entire batch of new ones?
New stories, new art, new foods.
The world has enough of the same.
When the world starts demanding new, it will move forward even faster.

The past can be a starting point, but not an end.
We don’t need to redo it.
Why are we afraid of change?
Why do we want our lives to repeat over and over again?
What are we so afraid of?
The past reinforces where we have been, that we have lived. But let it go.

Begin new.
Save for change.
Don’t worry about being wrong.
There is no wrong…

There is no wrong.