Inhabit Your Journey
Are you really living where you live?
Or do you keep a facade in a desperate attempt to convince yourself or others, of your determined existence.
We are all on a journey. We often fool ourselves into thinking we have arrived but as in literature, the real story is the journey and not the destination.
I do this myself.
I feel so good when I am safe and my outcome is certain. Yet I also long for adventure. And to break free from routine and certainty.
And it is in the adventure where we discover who we are and what we are made of.
I recently moved across the country and found myself insecure and nervous about many aspects that were solid before. How could I slip into a state of doubt so easily? Especially when I have been the rock of advice that others cling to.
I couldn’t believe it. Where did my self-assurance go? Why did I no longer trust my inner voice? And where did all this fear come from?
It takes a while to listen to your soul and hear the longings and desires stirring deep within. I wanted quick and simple answers. But the beauty of life is that it is complex and layered. And the digging and uncovering of the layers is where our own beauty lies.
The truth was I suddenly didn’t trust myself. The doubts lingered and gained momentum no matter how I tried to push them away. So, what could I do? How to silence the fear tape in my head?
I began to take small steps to find some security in my thinking. A little bit of proof in my actions. And little-by-little I felt the door to my soul opening and letting in the light of change. I started to see opportunity where I had seen problems. I could feel excitement when I looked into the unknown future by reminding myself nothing is carved into our life. And I am the one with the biggest chisel!
What kind of new life will I carve out for myself? What new experiences will shape me into the future? And who will I become when all these new forces attract and carry me forward towards my desires?
Instead of hiding and blanketing my soul with fear—I am now ready to boldly test the waters of chance.
By opening myself to life and risking the safety of the known, perhaps I will find that life really is like a video game. And thrill of moving up to higher level with new challenges and adventures is what we all came here for.
So look around at the world you inhabit and ask yourself if you are ready to make a change?
And to rediscover all the joy and wonder of the journey.
Why would anyone want to lose control?
When we live in a world that teaches us–
that encourages us–to gain mastery over every part of our lives.
With self-help sections of bookstores and libraries bursting with guidance.
And every one around us offering advice on how to fix our lives to perfection.
No one tells us how to free ourselves from our own constraints.
From our own judgements and reprisal.
No one wants us to be untethered and careless.
We fit in best when we match the routines surrounding us.
When we follow the rules of order created by others.
I know because I constantly battle to free myself creatively. To take risks. To be bold.
And to journey into an unknown that is both terrifying and exhilarating.
Perhaps it’s harder because I do love order. I love to have my things easy to find. In great condition and useful.
I enjoy feeling in control. I am proud in my mastery of daily living. And I also do enjoy the recognition from others.
But wanting organization cannot be the same as freeing your soul to enjoy the best of life.
Or is it?
Right now I desire to feel the truth of nature. Of my nature. The recklessness of losing myself in time and space.
Without worry. Without regret. Without guilt.
Where others let go of their expectations of me so I may discover my own uniqueness. My own truth. The harmony of my soul with life.
I am on a journey and haven’t yet arrived.
I am not ready to unpack my bags and stay put.
I seek new frontiers of experience. New vistas to challenge the creativity that lies, buried in the recesses of my soul.
What will it take to free me? Perhaps in my quest there is no answer.
There is only action. And actions taken will lead me further down the path of discovery.
The path to who I really am. And all that I may be.
By Tessa Saks
One thing I never considered in the self-reflection of my passions—-is their relation to greed.
Am I greedy?
Guilty as charged.
I declare my avid love of books. Of art. Of history. Of beautiful objects. Of costumes and fashion history. Of flowers and trees. Of oceans and beaches. Of babies.
Of living. Of loving.
I enjoy indulging in all of these and more. And my appetite never wanes. I can never have enough. My sensory overload is limitless when it comes to my desires. I seem to gain energy from my longings. They charge with pleasure in multitudes of ways. I become more. More connected. More loving. More joyous. More forgiving. More tolerant. More compassionate. More creative. More of the real me. The one free from the expectations of others.
I need only to think about the these loves of mine and I am happier. And when I experience them firsthand–happier still. I am boundless in my cravings.
And like an addict, they seem to grow. Enlarging my appetite for more. Opening space within my soul for new experiences and opportunities. There is never enough. Never an end. Never a feeling of completion. For this is an onward journey, expanding the horizons of my soul.
And so I am also greedy. My insatiable demand for more is endless. And despite what others may think or say, I will continue forever in my quest to relish in the richness of life and all the encounters that lay before me.
I am evolving. And avid. So very very avid.
But the bigger question I wonder is:
Are you avid and greedy too?
Sometimes in life we can’t see the failings right in front of us.
We are so filled with optimism that we neglect the harsh reality confronting us on the horizon.
I know it is for me.
And so it is for my country.
And it seems that way for the world.
I do not like politics. I want to believe the world is run by people who care.
That the people in charge know what is best for the greater good of all of us.
But as of late, I worry.
For the first time in my life I feel like we are all on the titanic and there is no point in moving the deck chairs around when…
When we financially bust?
When we go to another war?
When we destroy another democracy in the name of our freedom?
When we blame others for our problems?
When we destroy ourselves through hate and envy?
Has anyone thought about what the world will be like when we finally hit the icebergs staring us in the face?
Even more important…what will we be like?
Will we finally heal ourselves and open to others?
Could we finally forget our differences and learn to get along?
Could everyone on the planet find joy in being alive and sharing in this experience of life?
Could we finally rearrange our hearts to love each other as if each day was our last?
Could we begin to heal the wounds created by the chaos that we never asked for?
Could the world become better through understanding?
I don’t know the answers any more than anyone else.
If nothing else, we are all united in our confusion.
But also by our hope.
The hope that one day, we can wake up to a better world.
A world that has been rearranged.
Rearranged by love.
By Tessa Saks
Is life a test?
It has to be. Why else would bad things happen if not to test our resolve?
Or to help us grow?
I see life as an uncharted map with multiple options at every moment. And in those options lie opportunities.
The opportunity to be kind.
The opportunity to forgive.
The opportunity to help.
The opportunity for adventure.
The opportunity to learn.
For risk/reward or risk/lesson.
Maybe instead of thinking in terms of a test where there is a pass/fail mindset–how about life as a series of lessons?
And the lessons move us forward so we can try new things without fear.
The more lessons we take, the more we grow and evolve.
Instead of reliving mistakes and bad luck or poor choices, we learn from them and continue on a path towards better choices.
Perhaps at the end of our life, when all our lessons are over, we see the results of this test. A big picture essay of our life. And of all that we have done. And the score isn’t measured on a pass/fail but on a contribution to living.
Did we live?
Did we love?
Did we try?
Was there effort towards something?
And most important–
Did we learn from our choices and: Make things better? Become happier and more alive?
So where are you now in this test of life?
By Tessa Saks
I don’t want to panic.
But I do. And every time it happens I wish for more control. Panic contributes to the chaos. So I’ve learned over the years that panic shows me what I fear most. And from that overreaction I can discover what really matters. And by focusing on what really matters, I can find some calm and control in the midst of panic. I can reduce my fear and find solutions. And what really matters can be salvaged. Or mended.
Over time, when I look back at all that fear, I see panic can be part of the process of being alive. Of feeling. And loving. And wanting. Needing. Desire.
The times that caused me the highest panic were when I was afraid of losing something very important. And when you know what is most important, decisions become easier. Choices more clear.
Sometimes you need a wake-up call to help you focus. I know I did.
And once awoken and on the right path, it’s easier to stay calm. To trust and have faith. To move forward armed with the confidence that no matter what obstacles or events throw you off course and challenge you–there is no need to panic!
by Tessa Saks
It hurts to think you may never know
How much love I feel …
Too deep to show.
My heart is full of love to last
My thoughts bring memories,
A cherished past.
While I do not want to let you leave
I’m happy for you and shall not grieve.
For time goes on and life does lead
A course for us to each